AH! OSUN STATE! ILA-ORANGUN! NYSC WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME?

Okay its been long I have been on this platform but sorry guys I have to come back and talk to you coz if not how do I expect you guys to come back. Okay I am serving my country as the country demands we do after school which to me is a kind waste of time (my initial thought sha, because now I think I am having a rethink). For my national youth service corps, I was posted to Osun state first of all. We got there and Ebola said hell no, you guys should leave camp (camp is a mandatory 21 days waste of time which the federal government has devised to use to spoil some peoples life but not my own sha) and return to your houses, so I gladly took my stuffs after buying lots of things for it (I spent money sha) and went back home. Then we came back after two weeks and we were posted to our PPA’s(place of primary assignment if you don’t know what it means *wink*). That was the first time I heard people complain. I was hearing stuffs like, “Kai, why I no collect camp official number so I go repost myself”, “which kind winch be this one nah”, “omo God please help me, which kind thing be this nah”. And that was when I heard really scary names in my life, names like- Atakunmosa and Ila-Orangun, and I peeped into my posting letter to find out that I was among the scary named candidates. I saw in bold letters ILA-ORANGUN. Okay so it prompted me to take out my phone. You know that point when you are posted to a place you have never heard of and you suddenly have an urge to study geography, Yes I was in that state. So I keyed in, “OSUN STATE MAP AND LOCAL GOVERNMENTS ILA-ORANGUN” and that was when the real shocker came.

The end of the earth things(The placed was etched at the top of osun sate map next to ekiti). Looking at the pictures on google images wasn’t helping matters, so sharp sharp I opened a new tab and logged into my nairaland account and searched for nysc osun state forum, found one and quickly typed the question that was threatening to force its way out of my head. “Please who in this forum is serving in osun and if there who is in Ila-Orangun, thanks in anticipation”. I locked my Tecno android and then walked out to look for a bus out of camp. Omo come and see buses nah. You know when I say rough play oriented buses I really mean it. All the buses that were Ila bound were those kinds that after a short distance you stall and water the engine to avoid overheating. Lord have mercy. A journey of 45 minutes was extended to 2 hours and when we finally got there, I was totally disenchanted. If Nnewi my village was taken 50 years backwards it would still be a first world local government to this third world dead-zone. For the first time I saw a storeyed building done totally in mud. Christ if not because my mind was not working well as to shoot a video of my seeming walkthrough of the village I would have, but as my hand reached for my phone to take pictures, I got a notification. “Ila-Orangun is a nice place though I have not been there but corpers there say it looks nice”, read the reply of one nairaland user. The guy definitely has not been here and his informant was, is and might still be a very big liar. This place cannot be the place he was referring to as “nice”. God! With all the mud, goats(which is the most annoying of all, and am sure the statistics of accidents involving goats in the area should be above the frighteningly high threshold) totally dead corrugated iron sheet with no single cemented house in view, I knew I was in for it. The rickety thing stopped and alighted, flagged down a bike and asked for the local government secretariat, “forty naira lo man san”, eh what the frats is the man saying. Can’t he even like notice I wasn’t from this parts and he is already scattering Yoruba everywhere. “Please I don’t understand you, do you know where the local government secretariat of Ila-Orangun is”? “mo moo, e mu forty naira wa je n gbe won de be”, God this man definitely is touchy somewhere in the head but what the frats lets go there. When he said forty naira I thought maybe it was like somewhere a serious minded aje-butter could trek, omo won bi aje-kpako da to trek that distance. 30 minutes later I was still on the bike for a forty naira ride…..